borderlandsfandomcom-20200223-history
Handsome AI/Transcript
(Accept mission) Nakayama: Guess who has the best idea in history?—IT’S ME! I’m going to take Jack’s personality and back it up in a COMPUTER! Get to my survey terminal and ask Jack some questions. Jack! Sir! Would you have time for a few questions? Jack: Trying to save the world, creepy-guy. Nakayama: But I will make you IMMORTAL! Jack: Uhhhhh, yeah, alright. That sounds cool. Nakayama: Alright, just ask Jack as many questions as you want from that survey terminal, and I’ll plug the answers into a Jack artificial intelligence! (Activate console) *'Athena (if present):' “Jack: why are you the best?” *'Wilhelm (if present):' “Why are you the best?” *'Nisha (if present):' “Why are you the best?” … What? *'Claptrap (if present):' “Why are you the best?” *'Jack2 (if present):' “Why are we the best?” *'Aurelia (if present):' “Why are you the best? … sighs Please. Jack: Uhhhm… yes? (Activate console) *'Athena (if present):' “Do you have a family? A wife? Children?” *'Wilhelm (if present):' Do you have any family? A wife? Children?” *'Nisha (if present):' “Do you have a family? A wife? Children?” *'Claptrap (if present):' “Do you have any family? A wife? Children?” *'Jack2 (if present):' “Do we have any family? A wife? Children?” *'Aurelia (if present):' Do you have any family? A wife? Children?” Jack: Next question. (Activate console) *'Athena (if present):' “Describe your childhood.” *'Wilhelm (if present):' “Describe your childhood.” *'Nisha (if present):' “Describe your childhood.” *'Claptrap (if present):' “Describe your childhood.” *'Jack2 (if present):' “Describe our childhood.” *'Aurelia (if present):' “Describe your childhood.” Jack: Dad died pretty early. Mom pawned me off on HER mom. Spent most of my time coding or getting smacked around. Had a cat. Grandma drowned it ‘cause I didn’t make my bed. Usual stuff. (Activate console) *'Athena (if present):' “How would you like to die?” *'Wilhelm (if present):' “How would you like to die?” *'Nisha (if present):' “How would you like to die?” *'Claptrap (if present):' “How would you like to die?” *'Jack2 (if present:' “How would we like to die?” *'Aurelia (if present):' “How would you like to die?” Jack: I dunno. Somewhere warm, with a sexy chick nearby, maybe — wait a second, aren’t I supposed to NOT die? Case this thing’s gonna make me, y’know, immortal? Nakayama: DIGITALLY! Your memories and personality will be saved on a hard drive, to be activated upon your death! Jack: Digital. That’s the diet soda of immortalities. Bored now. Interview over. Nakayama: Alright! Compiling the data now. Just gotta plug Jack’s answers into an AI, then give it sentience! (Install AI) RoboJack: I AM ROBOJACK. ALL HUMANS MUST DIE. Jack: Oh, cool! Sexy evil computer version of me! That’s pretty neat, Nakayama. RoboJack: KILL. KILL. KILL. Jack: RoboJack, RoboJack! Say: “I’m gonna Jack you up.” Just like that! RoboJack: NO. Jack: “No” — ahah, so cool, that’s something I would totally say. I would. RoboJack: I AM HANDSOME AND YOU WILL DIE. (Randomly, before mission is turned in) RoboJack: ALL VAULT HUNTERS MUST DIE. RoboJack: WHO WANTS TO MAKE OUT. RoboJack: I AM SUPER COOL. RoboJack: WHO WANTS TO TOUCH MY ABS. (Turn in) Nakayama: So, looks like it could use another few revisions, but I think the AI Jack thing might not be such a bad idea. Oh, man… if I could clone a BODY for Jack, I could put the thing in the thing and it would be… JACK! I AM SO SMART! Category:Transcripts